I often feel like I’m living a fast paced life. That I wake up and choose who I want to become, and not who I am. I feel like society has evolved from what we once percieved as being a primitive life, to full out maximalism. We live in stressed environments, we work stressed jobs, and the social expectation about dedicating 10 years of your life to studying so you can be the best keeps rising. Although these things aren’t necessarily bad, and they do offer a lot of wonderful opportunities, I still wonder about the consequences. The constant burnouts, the stress disorders, mental health issues, and contributing to the competitive mindset. And most of these consequences stems from trying to alter who you are to obtain a greater lifestyle, often in expense of who you truly are. These days, we drive ourselves completely out of energy just to prove our worth. We need to mature quickly so we can be taken seriously, and that can very easily become toxic.
A lot of people have a misconception about what maturity means. A lot of people think they can push it and shorten the timespan in which your wisdom takes you from one point to another. In my own experience, I felt inclined to try and force myself not to make any mistakes. Just like you, I have had people tell me about my less positive qualities, but I have spent a lifetime trying to erase those qualities rather than to accept that they are a current standpoint in my life, and that they will eventually pass, because I will continue to mature until I die. When people have told me I have a sharp tongue, I’ve tried to keep quiet. When I’m told I complain too much, I experience a loss of boundaries–allowing people to step all over me. And I conform my personality to those wishes because I don’t want to disappoint, but the consequence is that I don’t allow myself to express who I am. And I can physically feel myself locked into handcuffs to live up to the idea of being something greater, when in reality, no person is alike, and maturity in itself is relative to personal experience. I think it is very important to take constructive criticism and the people around you have a right to express their concerns with your behavior, but when they point out such an essential part of your personality, and asks you to change it, it can lead to a personality crisis. And even if people haven’t pointed it out, they are still what society consider to be immature values. Because maturity in the way we understand it is to be patient, wise, and a great listener. But what about people who are constructed in such a way that they are impatient, idealists, and they talk more than they listen. Can we say that they are immature, inexperienced? And what if their minds are constructed with attention defecit, making them impatient. Can we say they are immature even if they have no way of oppressing it? And finally take into consideration that we are supposed to look up to our elders and their wisdom, yet their personalities are vastly different. Some people in their 80’s are still gullible, others are emotionally distant. Some still believe in fairytales, and others believe the world is way worse than we imagine. Even old people don’t necessarily have the answer. They don’t have the recipe to maturity, because they have lived a life filled with different influences, and it turned them into the people they are today. And they may not necessarily embody what we as a society percieves as maturity. According to society, a mature person is often stoic, but what if they have a calm exterior whilst ridiculing all of us inside their mind? Surely, at least people with a sharp tongue would speak their truth as opposed to being quiet. So I believe we are left to define what real maturity is.
I don’t think maturity is a one-size-fits-all. I think it is relative to your personality, because you are constructed in a different way from the rest. We all are. Some people are naturally impatient, and even though patience is a great quality to have, it is not necessarily bad to be impatient either. Especially not if you are time-effecient. And often times, impatience is a result of immaturity, but we have to remember that it can also be a personality trait. And if the person is aware of it and uses it in positive ways rather than negative, they are mature. You see, society has a very specific idea about what personality traits are universally positive and negative, but can’t you have these so-called negative traits and use them for good? Likewise, can’t your personality composed of all of these so-called positive traits look great on paper, but you use them negatively?
In my opinion, I think maturity is the ability to understand your own strengths and weaknesses–your flaws and your qualities. Maturity is truthfully the ability to understand that over the course of your own life, you do not respond the same to experiences, even if they are alike. A month from now, your perception about a given challenge will change ever so slightly, and a year from now, you will notice a difference all without trying to mature yourself. So I think self-awareness is the real road towards maturity, and not pushing and changing yourself. Real maturity is the realization that however you twist and turn it, you can’t mature overnight, you can only try to be the best version of yourself and let life run its course.
J. Doe's Corner 